Finally... Simmons on Fever Pitch

Since blowing $6.25 each on "Fever Pitch" a few weeks back (it was an early show), both Sam and I have been eagerly awaiting Bill Simmons' take on ESPN's Page 2. He's not only a die-hard Red Sox fan, but he's required reading for anyone obsessed with sports and pop culture. Well, his review -- Down with a bad 'Fever' -- was just posted today, and, fortunately for us, he corroborates everything we hated about this movie.

One correction to start, however... I argued that one of the film's biggest flaws was that you never heard Fallon's character actually talking about any of the current players the way fans do -- dissecting the lineup, lamenting a poor performance, whatever. Well, Simmons highlights a bit I had forgotten about. At one point Barrymore says, "There's more to life than knowing that Schilling's pitching on Friday." Even though they are arguing, Fallon corrects her, "Actually, Pedro's pitching on Friday, Schilling's pitching on Saturday." Too bad the rest of the movie wasn't half as authentic as this exchange.

Simmons really nails a number of the major things we criticized the film for during our podcast:

- "The last 15 minutes were so freaking atrocious, it's almost beyond belief. Even the '64 Phillies finished better than this movie. I will never think of this movie without thinking of the last 15 minutes. Ever."

- "I lived in Boston for 10 years after college ... not once did I meet a Sox fan who acted like Jimmy Fallon in this movie. I have absolutely no idea who he would have hung out with in Boston; and apparently, neither did the Farrellys – Fallon's four friends looked like they should have been working as baristas at a Starbucks. Where were Murph and Sully? Where were the accents? Why even have this movie in Boston?"

"Red Sox fans come off like self-parodies of the highest order. Fantastic. The Farrellys even perpetuated that "Curse of the Bambino" nonsense to the bitter end, including a scene when Fenway fans recapped the curse for Barrymore's character..."

- "Watching [Fallon and Barrymore] together, I found myself thinking things like, "Too bad Matt Damon was one Farrelly Brothers movie too late" and "Poor Jimmy is only 20 minutes away from breaking Paul Walker's record for 'Least Facial Expressions in One Movie'." I'm pretty sure I forgot to say this on air, but Damon is exactly who I would have tried to cast in the role. He could have played an obsessed fan without making him seem silly and devoid of any self-respect, unlike Fallon.

Even if you don't care to read another word about "Fever Pitch," the column is a must-read for Simmons' catalog of the "10 generic themes that invariably show up in any chick flick." Good stuff.